knee surgery. I really can't explain it. EVERYONE has been so extremely kind and giving. I know it has a lot to do with my discomfort and pain. (Getting off narcotics tends to wreck ones emotions too, I understand.)
Yet, I have been so surprised at myself--how weak and vulnerable I am being and how I don't care. I feel like I am usually so "put together" and in control. Not for the past 11 days. My poor family.
I am alone this afternoon and evening. Brian has taken Abby to Travis' basketball game two hours north and won't be home until late. So easy for me just to lay on the sofa and feel sorry for myself and NOT do my physical therapy exercises and NOT get up and walk and NOT fold laundry or pay bills or wrap gifts (which I am perfectly capable of doing.) I've been ignoring phone calls and texts from sweet friends all morning. I just want to wallow in self-pity.
When she left I had a smidgen of optimism. I got up, turned on some Christmas music, emptied the dishwasher, and started another load of laundry. On the radio I heard a commercial for some holiday event where a shepherd boy asked, "what can I give him?"
That got me thinking. I am very self-consumed right now (and maybe that is OK.) But, what CAN I give the Savior?
So, I will get up off the couch. I will DO something. I will try.
It's all I can give right now. Just taking care of me. He has offered me PEACE and I want to receive it.